Click on photo-First radio interview

One in Five

One in Five
Art show in Victoria-Click on pic

Unsuffer Me

Unsuffer Me
Who are the experts?- click on me

Life is most beautiful at times.

Life is most beautiful at times.
CLICK ON PHOTO-Jana, my saving grace,my love,my muse...she makes my heart sing.

Who are the experts?

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Who are the experts?

The art of healing has been my saving grace.Being labeled as mentally ill ( bipolar) by those who are anything but experts when it comes to ones mental health ,has been a heavy burden.

The psychiatrists and other so called professionals pushed their snake oil of a bio medical model, elixirs of pyschotropic poison, and a narrow understanding of mental health to the point of death.

After years of struggling with their philosophy of what was wrong with me and how to correct it,I have come full circle. A liberation of mind, body,and soul began with my art. The beginning of a more holistic approach to my well being.

Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM IV) is in itself flawed and dangerous.The theory that mental illness is but a chemical imbalance of the brain,corrected by pills is again flawed. There is no scientific proof to this theory or a test that can prove this theory.Pychiatry in itself is not a science,in it's 150 year history, the evolution of this narrow view has been transformed in most part from the financial backing of the pharmaceutical corporatons.A bio medical approach to mental health has, and continues to be the crux of pain,misery, and the death of countless people. This pychotropic panacea is poison, to the mind,body,and soul.

A more holistic approach to well being is the path I have chosen. To have come to the realization that what ailed me was not segmented into, the brain,without including the body and spirit has been an amazing transformation. That I am the culmination of all my life experiences is in itself the answer to many of the struggles I endured. A bio,pyscho,social,spiritual philosophy is the new age lingo.A gift from the indigenous people I have come to respect and admire. My art was the beginning of my long journey back.While inside several pychiatric facilities across this land,the only thing that allowed me to hold onto life was my abilty to express in artform. To allow the anger,pain,fear,and madness to evolve on canvas was and is my saving grace.With the mental health delivery system entrenched in our society, art was not encouraged in most communities.Just take your pills Wallace,life is better Wallace, the meds do not affect your creativity Wallace, the only thing that will help Wallace is more pills...BULLSHIT

! A need to be in charge of my wellness did not come easily.There are many wonderful,amazing people in the helping profession.Albeit that most are misdirected and misinformed is quite evident in how the lack of non-medical services are implemented in assisting those that struggle with mental health issues. I have worked hard the last several years to use not only my art,but horticultural, cognitive behavourial, and many other forms of therapy to bring about change in my life That I had to seek these alternative approaches to my wellness is one of the reasons I write this.

To have the empowerment of deciding the direction I follow has been a difficult and most rewarding journey.I have not progressed without the help and encouragement of many in my life.That most did not understand why I chose to be so proactive in my well being did not sway me from my goal of a quality of life. Most believed that all I needed was to find the right medication and all would be well. I have proven otherwise to myself and to those who worship the medical model. The shrinks that said I would have to take meds the rest of my life,and that I would have to live in a semi-independant environment could not have been more wrong. I had for years struggled with medications,some were so horrific,paralyzing, the side effects worse than the illness.So two years ago I discontinued my meds,and began using other means for my wellness.It has been a truly amazing transformation,at times so difficult, with many still wanting me to fail,to be put back on meds,even to be once again committed under the mental health act. Well,again, I have proven them wrong.

I do not encourage people to quit their medications.I do strongly encourage them to be well informed,and to have a say in how they are treated by both professionals, family and loved ones. To have not only a voice,but agency in our community.I encourage others to question the status quo,to question the validity of the school of pychiatry, to question whether the meds are the answer,or a small part of having a quality of life. Some individuals are helped by medications,yet the majority are misled in what their options are. or that the meds are more harmful than helpful.

I speak from not only experience,but with some knowledge of how the general public continues being directed in an understanding of menatl health. A misunderstanding that is perpetuated by the same people who profess to be not only helpful,but experts.If one looks up the definition of expert,it means of experience.Well I do not see much life experience in those that teach,work, and inplement mental health services in our community. That it has been proven time and again that having people with life experience as part of the solution, it is still being denied,or at best used haphazardly .

So I will continue my journey with a little help from my friends.I will create,express, evolve and put forth a different perspective to "Mental Illness." Many will be upset with my approach and delivery,yet just as many will agree.So, I have come from a darkness that many do not fathom,where I again and again tried to take my own life,to a place of wonderous joy.Where I embrace life and encourage others to do so.Art is my medicine, my passion, my vehicle of movement forward. A liberation of mnd,body,& spirit. Be well my friends. Wallace

My Medicine





























My Sweet Jana


I love you with all my heart... my sweet jana





Walk a Mile

Walk a Mile
End Viloence

Digging through my writings...



March 17,2008 I am as you would term as being bipolar, this does not define who I am. I am a child, I am a man, I am masculine, I am feminine I am young, I am old. I am strong and I am weak. I am fearful and fearless. I carry darkness, but I am the light. I have danced with the devil and have torn down the gates of hell. An unquiet mind has been my guide, a heart that has eluded the arrow of a cupid, that has a wound longing to heal.
I have bathed in selfishness, self-pity, self-hatred, a loathing of life, fear and pain are my lovers, my torment, my beloved muses. I have tasted blood, suffered, and caused suffering. I am the evolution of what will be and the digression of what is. My journey has been a road traveled by many, yet known by few. I know and know not what. I have embraced death, beckoned and sang for the reaper. I have drowned in my tears, wept silently inside, screamed where others could not hear, held out my hands to touch in the dark where you could not see me. Wanted to speak, but silence thundered my words.
My chains drugs, booze, anger, rage, my muzzle shame, guilt, innocence lost, secrets, twisted dreams. I am all of you. I am none of you.
These are fractions of whom I am, a fresh memory that diminishes, then creeps back.
I am becoming, evolving, aspiring, to extinguish the madness, unleash the genius, the fool, the child, the lover, the troubadour of life’s realities and possibilities. To discard the mask, to begin to heal.
To embrace life, see the beauty, to be touched, caressed, to weep, and to roar with laughter. A voice that will be heard, a mind that will listen, a heart that will taste love, a spirit and light that will blossom. I will learn to be still, to understand, to sigh, to lift the weariness, and dance.
I will no longer be a human being, instead, to being human.
Do you see me, do you hear me, feel me, understand me, want me, touch me, hold me, do you, should you, would you, could you love me, love me?
Love me do . .

In Your Eyes

Well it has been an interesting day.I was asked by a teenager today what was the best advice anyone had ever given me.My response was," Do not let others put limitations on you."

You see, not that long ago,I was sitting in a boardroom in a physciatric facility.I had been there several months. At the table were two physciatrist,a physciatric nurse,a social worker,and occupational therapist, in a lone chair,without representation, was myself. They stated that I would never be able to function independantly in society and that I would have to live in a semi-independant living environment for the rest of my life.

Already depressed and at times suicidal, this was the final blow.

I was distraught,the end of my existence was apparent. I quietly left and returned to my room,alone. As I sat on the edge of my bed a voice from my past resonated through my being," Do not let others put limitations on you."

I rushed out of my room,running towards the doors where they had delivered my fate. I burst through the doors, this startled all present. Fear was in there eyes.I stood directly in the middle of the room and loudly said," No, you are not gods,you do not have the power to predict and decide my life.Your words are shit!"

I then began my journey to wellness.A rage burned inside of me,it had always been there,now I had direction for it.I would spend the next several years struggling,persevering, wandering the land in search of a stillness,of a home, of others who would accept me for who I am.I have found that home,I have found that acceptance.

I have learned what some of my limitations are, not by others or by fear or misgivings on my part.But by being active in my recovery and having support from many in my community.

I am proud of who I am,and I encourage others to also be proud.It is alright to be different,unique, after all, we are.

Heaven and Hell by Wallace Malay

Tell me there’s a heaven, a state of grace where I can learn to be still. A place where warmth and beauty are an abundance from within. A healing that leaves no scar, where I can breathe. A thousand pieces found and a place for each. To see that which is unveiled to the innocent, no shame or need to hide my tears. To silence the screams, no need to whisper, no more demons in my head.
Tell me there’s a hell no more, the grinding of hate, anger, fear and loathing shattered and but a brief thought that passes my dreams. To grieve that lost and put to rest my past, a faded glimpse of madness.
Oh I know madness well, a bedfellow who sneers and beckons me in both the darkness and the light. Days turn to years of walking hand in hand with a secret that gnaws at my core. To let loose the secret, a taboo that would bring certain death, his voice and breath wafts past my nostrils. I sleep with eyes wide open, the sound of my own hair growing a white noise that intensifies, with a heat that sears all.
The heaviness of a childhood secret that lingers in the shadows of those days of innocence lost. A blindness that brings about the horror, the pain, those things that cannot be described.
Tell me there’s a heaven, a thousand beautiful songs, a thousand beautiful things, your shining face in the crowd. The words blend into my unquiet mind and the stillness begins.

On stage at the Port Theatre

On stage at the Port Theatre
It's OK to be me!

Donny Brook

It's OK To Be Me

It's OK To Be Me

Stigma

Crazy, lunatic, insane, pyscho, madman...these are but a few of the words that are spoken or thought by many in regards to people with mental health issues.















Stigma is also the way those who are providng health services treated me,and many others.There are some who are such arrogant and narrow disciples of the religion of pyschopharmocology. To believe that they are the experts is not only naieve, but for me a death sentence. The only authority on my health is me. It is comforting to see that the medical model is not only being challenged, but is also being discarded by many consumers & health care providers.















The time for a more holistic approach to mental health is now, a bio/pyscho/social/spiritual model. A gift from my aboriginal friends,mind,body,heart, and spirit.

The need to have people with life experience involved in the research of mental illness is crucial to advancement. The time to be active in ensuring that people with mental health issues to have a voice has come.

A Touch of Madness

A Touch of Madness

GRASSROOTS

"A small group of thoughful people could change the world,indeed it is the only thing that ever has."

Margaret Mead

Creative Maladjusted


Mind,Body,& Soul by Wallace Malay

The Art of Healing
"There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."Maya Angelou

Weeping Man by Wallace Malay

Weeping Man by Wallace Malay

A poem that I found by Antwone Fisher

Who will cry for the little boy, lost and all alone?
Who will cry for the little boy,abandoned without his own.
Who will cry for the little boy? He cried himself to sleep.
Who will cry for the little boy? He never had for keeps.
Who will cry for the little boy? He walked the burning sands.
Who will cry for the little boy?The boy inside the man.
Who will cry for the little boy?Who knows well hurt and pain.
Who will cry for the little boy?He died and died again.
Who will cry for the little boy?A good boy he tried to be.
Who will cry for the little boy,who cries inside of me?

DESIDERATA

Go placidly amid the noise and haste. & remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly & clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud & aggressive persons. They are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater or lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity & disenchantment it is perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees & the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.
Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be, and whatever your labors & aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.
With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.
Be Careful. Strive to be happy.

The Art of Healing

The Art of Healing
Luna by Wallace Malay

The Have and Have Nots'

The gaps between “the have and have nots” in our society grows wider with each passing year. The daily struggles to overcome poverty become more difficult all the time. Those who are raised in the lower socioeconomic segment of our society best understand the struggle individuals and families face in trying to succeed. To reverse the problems of poverty at times seem insurmountable. This said, there are several effects of poverty that are apparent in our society that need immediate address.

One effect caused by poverty is that of homelessness. In most communities across Canada there are unfortunates that live on the streets, vying for a bed at shelters. With the increasing cost of living and the stagnant, slow moves to increase such things as affordable housing, or raising the minimum wage, people are caught between a rock and a hard place. The disproportion of families living only a paycheck or two away from being homeless, is an added stress that affects the quality of life for many.

Another area that is affected by poverty is that of substance abuse, such as alcohol and drugs. The number of people who live on low income with stress related difficulties, creates the environment where substance abuse thrives. This, in many instances, becomes a multi-generational problem, with the dysfunctions of abuse and neglect being thrust upon the children who are likely to grow up to repeat the pattern.

Most important, with poverty, the children suffer most of all. They are robbed of the joy of just being kids. Their environment is chaotic and unpleasant to say the least. It is difficult to go without that which many take for granted, such as food, clothing, and a safe environment in which to live. In many circumstances the end result is abuse, lack of education, crime, and a cycle that tend to be repeated from generation to generation,

Poverty is in many ways the worst form of violence in our society today. Our society, as a whole, neglects the responsibility for those who suffer the effects of poverty. For our community to grow and improve, it needs to take those less fortunate and place them first. Society may do well to remember the First Nations saying that it takes a village to raise a child.

Salvation Army Protest Video

Halt

Halt
Homelessness Radio Marathon 2010

PENNIES FROM HEAVEN PROTEST

PENNIES FROM HEAVEN PROTEST
Christmas 2009 Protest against Salvation Army

Penny protest against Salvation Army

Penny protest against Salvation Army

CHLY Homelessness Radio Marathon 2010

CHLY Homelessness Radio Marathon 2010

Food For Thought

Food For Thought
Shame on the Salvation Army

V-Day Movement 2010

V-Day Movement 2010
Men join V-Day Movement to end violence against women and children

V-Day

The cast from, " A Memory.a Monologue,a Rant, and a Prayer. Part of the V-Day Movement to end violence against women and children.Both this play and the Vagina Monolgues were performed this weekend at Malaspina Theatre on campus at Vancouver Island University.Not only helping the global movement,but also that the event raised money for the Nanaimo Women's Resource Society.A great organization helping women in our community.

Well what an exciting and intense weekend.Such amazing people joining together to make a difference.I am proud to have been a part of what is essential in ending violence,becoming an ally with women to make this world a better place.

The cast were magnificent,such emotions were both healing and enlightening. This is not only a women's issue,but the responsibility of all, a call for men to join in the movement that is a logical step in the process of change.

I look forward to next year.

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Sleep Well Nanaimo


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