Along my journey

March 27,2007 Personal Statement

Wallace Malay

As a person with concurrent disorders, choosing one significant life experience that impacted me and my interest in wanting to pursue a career in social services is difficult. It is a culmination of many years that has brought about my decision to do so. Starting in 1997 with having been abstinent from alcohol and drugs for sometime, I was first committed to a psychiatric facility for four and ½ months. Over the next eight years I was in psych wards 13 times in six cities, in four different provinces. During these years I was unwell and struggled with taking psychotropic medications, at times self medicating with alcohol and drugs. I attended some recovery programs as well seeing people in the helping profession ( psychiatrists, mental health workers, drug counselors, etc . . . ). During these years I went from being employed and social to a little over a year ago being homeless, antisocial and without direction.

I had over the past ten years lost all will to pursue a life of purpose, on several occasions attempting to take my life.

During my stays in psych wards I began to observe the lack of understanding and skills of the staff to the clients. Very little counseling was given, and there was a predisposition on the part of the doctors and nurses that medication would solve all, harm reduction, without follow up or aftercare. The needs and rights of myself and other patients often ignored, with no voice and consequences for any noncompliance or resistance.

I have always considered myself a compassionate and empathetic person, not without prejudice or lack of understanding of those with addiction or mental health issues. My experiences of psych wards, homeless shelters, soup kitchens, food banks and living on the street has given me a much broader understanding of myself and others. Not only those living in these circumstances, but the effect on family, friends, and people in the community, as well those in the helping profession. That some are compassionate and understanding while others are not. Through learned misunderstandings the fear, stigma, and a multitude of societal misgivings of people with mental health and/or addiction issues are prevalent.

A year ago I was at the pinnacle of my unwellness, the choices of what to do were narrowed to just two, end my life or find a purpose to go on, no more alcohol or drugs, no more hospitals. The decision came to me while lying in a bed in emergency, tubes and wires once again,and drug induced seizures. I had always looked at my life as being cursed, something inside changed. I began to look at my life of pain, suffering, shame, guilt, the insanity of life, as a blessing. To be able to share my life story and experiences with others, may help ease the suffering of others. There was my key to go on with life, a purpose driven life, to help myself and others.

Over the past year I have worked toward this, with spending three months in treatment, being involved in 12-step programs, seeing a psychiatrist and mental health worker, being compliant with my medications. Taking an Addiction Worker Certification Program, just completing my last of eight courses. I had been out of school for 30 years, and have been able to accomplish all of the required courses with good grades. In order to be able to assist others I concluded that first I had to work on myself. That was my main decision for taking the program. Each course brought about emotions and memories, some recent, others long forgotten. At times almost unbearable, I persevered, with a belief that all was an investment to my healing and a better understanding of myself and others. I have learned that I have the ability to achieve a quality of life that I thought was unattainable. That I have a lot to offer to individuals suffering, to family and friends, and to the community I live in.

Over the years I have volunteered in almost all the communities I have lived in, even when I was living on the street. In the past year I have been involved in going to the detox to speak, I am involved with helping others in the recovery community such as 12-step groups. I am on the planning committee for the Mental Health and Addiction Forum as well the planning committee for Starts With Arts Nanaimo ( SWAN). Through my volunteer work I have learned to interact and collaborate with individuals, from CMHA and VIHA ,and other community organizations. Through being involved in the community, I have been able to get a better understanding of how the different agencies work, and have been able to assist people in the recovery community. Through my studies I have been able to be a conduit for individuals trying to access the different avenues available. To advocate or converse and articulate the needs of people unable to do so for themselves. I have built relationships, and I am learning to network with individuals throughout the mental health and addiction community. My studies and life experience have made it possible for me to have a voice, as well, learning to listen to others. Through volunteering I have learned what strengths and abilities I have, and as importantly what areas I need to work on. The people I have met in Nanaimo in the helping profession have on the most part been encouraging. Those who have gy journey. My life experiences alone will not make me an asset to helping make a difference. But combined with education and training I will be an asset, both in school, employment and the community itself

Poverty is a social problem that is prevalent in most communities across Canada. From poverty breed numerous issues such as crime, substance abuse, homelessness, health issues both physical and mental. Emotional, physical, mental and sexual abuse, and the multi-generational effect this causes. The lack of food, sustainable living environments, and economic security needed to allow children to prosper and continue education, and break the cycle of poverty.

The stressors that make advancement or betterment of people of low economic status, unable to have the opportunity to make changes.

The municipal, provincial and federal policies and programs are insufficient, and in most part repetitive in their implementation. The income allotted well below the poverty line, low minimum wages, lack of day care facilities, continued education, employment and affordable housing. As such most will pass on that which is the status quo to their children, who will continue, as it has from one generation to the next.

Government has the system set to employ those needed to continue this process, the distance between the poor and wealthy ever expanding. With no initiatives implemented for citizens to gain education or employment.

The need to have money invested into increasing monthly income, food and shelter, day care and education. Programs that do not penalize people for gaining more income or continuing their education.This needs to be implemented on a micro level, within a community, as the needs will be different, such as native communities, multi-cultural communities, and small and large communities.

To put the resources into programs that are long term, it took generations to bring about these problems, and it will take generations to improve. To take a closer look at models and social programs from other countries that are successful and see how they can be implemented here.

Poverty is a complex issue to address, and the need for innovative approaches are a necessity to make any lasting changes.

In closing I would add that having gone through the social service agencies in different parts of Canada and still living below the poverty line, the need for sufficient funding to allow people like myself to be integrated back into the community is important. To incorporate life experience with education and training is a resource that is in most part not maximized, and an asset that can make a difference .Some have gotten to know part of my story are amazed at what I have accomplished in the past year. It was a concerted effort on my part, and with others who have been supportive on m.