A Magic Bullet

Jan 30, 2007

The soft wail of the cello filters from my laptop, a grounding to the madness of an unfiltered thought process. My concentration and focus have diminished these past weeks, the medications a constant wave of irritability and unease. Sleep a commodity that I yearn for, increase the meds and lose more of who I am. The pills, their magic bullet for all that ails me, my comfort when I am unable to slow down my inner workings, is a lesser of two evils, a quality of life chipped away at with each pill I swallow. A quest for a stillness within, grows with each passing day, it will come. I have to keep my day in check, routine, discipline, affirmations only heard by me, sometimes a whisper at others a scream.

To have the time money and space to work at that which I love and know is but beginning to come to fruition; that being my painting and writing. I spend so little time on it, the practice will unleash a cascade of untapped beauty and horror, light and darkness, a healing that yearns to push forward.

You are somewhere out there, someone who will listen, let me know if you are.

To ease my unquiet mind and help ease the suffering of others a dream, a purpose driven dream, a goal to aspire to.