Digging through my writings...

March 17,2008 I am as you would term as being bipolar, this does not define who I am. I am a child, I am a man, I am masculine, I am feminine I am young, I am old. I am strong and I am weak. I am fearful and fearless. I carry darkness, but I am the light. I have danced with the devil and have torn down the gates of hell. An unquiet mind has been my guide, a heart that has eluded the arrow of a cupid, that has a wound longing to heal.

I have bathed in selfishness, self-pity, self-hatred, a loathing of life, fear and pain are my lovers, my torment, my beloved muses. I have tasted blood, suffered, and caused suffering. I am the evolution of what will be and the digression of what is. My journey has been a road traveled by many, yet known by few. I know and know not what. I have embraced death, beckoned and sang for the reaper. I have drowned in my tears, wept silently inside, screamed where others could not hear, held out my hands to touch in the dark where you could not see me. Wanted to speak, but silence thundered my words.

My chains drugs, booze, anger, rage, my muzzle shame, guilt, innocence lost, secrets, twisted dreams. I am all of you. I am none of you.

These are fractions of whom I am, a fresh memory that diminishes, then creeps back.

I am becoming, evolving, aspiring, to extinguish the madness, unleash the genius, the fool, the child, the lover, the troubadour of life’s realities and possibilities. To discard the mask, to begin to heal.

To embrace life, see the beauty, to be touched, caressed, to weep, and to roar with laughter. A voice that will be heard, a mind that will listen, a heart that will taste love, a spirit and light that will blossom. I will learn to be still, to understand, to sigh, to lift the weariness, and dance.

I will no longer be a human being, instead, to being human.

Do you see me, do you hear me, feel me, understand me, want me, touch me, hold me, do you, should you, would you, could you love me, love me?

Love me do . .